


it was love

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst, Anniversary, Arranged Marriage, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity, M/M, Past Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25835572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: UshiSaku Week 2020 Day 05: Anniversary---After being shoved into an arranged marriage with his first love, Kiyoomi did everything to make Wakatoshi fall for him, but it went down the drain because of one drunken night’s mistake.---Kiyoomi gripped the edge of the hand rail, trying to steady his shaking hands, but the effort is proving to be futile. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes.“This will be the last time. Just one last time.” He whispered, making himself believe his words.
Relationships: Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 37
Collections: UshiSakuWeek 2020





	it was love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my ao3 debut! And I am so scared and nervous at the thought of posting this fic haha!  
> I hope you enjoy! Happy UshiSaku Week!

_Ushijima Kiyoomi_. Even after all those years he still feels elated by the thought of being married to his first love. Three years. Three years of bearing the name of Ushijima. Three years of living with him, of doing things together. Three years of waking up and sleeping beside his world.

 _Three years of being shackled by responsibility._

He dismissed this thought and stepped on the gas when the light turned green.

Sakusa stopped by his husband’s _favorite_ patisserie to buy something to celebrate their third anniversary with. Wakatoshi may appear like someone who doesn’t like mousse cakes or sweet pastries, but he does, and Sakusa loves the look on his husband’s face whenever his sweet-tooth is satisfied.

He went inside the patisserie, the smell of sugar and vanilla is thick in the air. It’s cozy with neutral colors as it’s motif and delicately ornamented with succulents. He walked straight to the glass case filled with different colored macarons, chocolate confections, and mousse cakes.

“Sakusa-san!” He was greeted by the always beaming redhead owner of the patisserie.

“It’s Ushijima.” Kiyoomi coldly stated.

“Oh. Sor—.” The redhead was taken aback by his hostility.

“Please give me a chocolate mousse and a half-dozen of vanilla macarons, Tendou-san.”

“Oh, yes, sure, U-Ushijima-san. That’s a lot. Are there any occasions?”

“It’s me and my husband’s third anniversary.” He raised his eyebrow and waited for the other’s reaction. Tendou froze for a moment before continuing to pack his orders with a smile.

“I-is that so? Well, Waka–Ushijima-kun likes lavender and blueberry since it resembles our team colors back in high school so I’ll give you half a dozen of those flavors as an anniversary gift.” Tendou uttered in a fake sing-song manner that irritated Sakusa. To make it worse, the unwarranted suggestion made him more exasperated, it was like Tendou’s mocking him for not knowing better, like telling him that Tendou knows Ushijima more than him. And he hates it.

It’s not Sakusa’s nature to be discourteous so he didn’t make a comment or refused the supposed ‘anniversary gift’ from his husband’s _best friend._

“He’s a sentimental sap, you know.” Tendou continued, oblivious of the growing frown in Sakusa’s face. There was an uncomfortable silence between them after that statement. His irritation increases minute by minute.

“O-oh, what am I saying. Of course, you know. He’s your _husband_ after all.” Tendou beamed, it was strained, and Sakusa noticed it.

“Of course.”

After paying, he went out of the patisserie and slid in his car. He gripped the steering wheel tightly that his knuckles turned white, trying to calm his boiling blood. _Of course. Of course, I know._

He knows everything about his husband. Everything. Like the way he prefers his coffee black but sweet in the morning, so Kiyoomi would always, always try to wake up earlier than him to brew his coffee albeit being tired from volleyball training the day before. He loves hayashi rice, thus Kiyoomi learned to cook the dish despite being a disaster in the kitchen. He likes the pine and ocean scented oils on their humidifier for it reminds him of Miyagi, so Kiyoomi bought bottles of it. He likes their curtain half-opened in the morning, that’s why even if Kiyoomi prefers it to be completely closed he opens it a bit so the sunlight can come in. He knows everything there is to Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

_Everything._ He scoffed at himself. _Then why does he feels so far away still? Why is the idea of him loving me remains far-fetched? Why?_

He pulled up on their garage and noticed that his husband's car is not there. It’s half-past five in the late afternoon and he is usually home by then. They fought two days ago. And he knows his husband would want to cool his head first before they talk so Sakusa brought it upon himself to go and visit his family home to give him space. But seeing how he’s not home brought fear in his system. Panic rose to his chest making his heart beat wildly and his hands shake uncontrollably.

He grabbed his purchase and went straight inside their home. 

_Home._ _That never felt like one._

Sakusa dropped the box of desserts in their coffee table and sprinted towards the stairs leading to their room. The fight that took place days ago was a big one. He can’t shake off the feeling of fear from thinking that his husband might have decided to leave him already. He stood in front of their bedroom door. He feels like an idiot, knees shaking, and staring at his reflection on the doorknob.

He’s close to getting paranoid. 

_What if his things are not inside? What if he grabbed all of it and left this time? I can’t. I can’t do this. I’ve waited for so long. I’ve waited so long to earn his love and gain his trust again. I can’t lose Wakatoshi-kun._

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his nerves, then turned the doorknob open. Eyes quickly roaming around the room.

Nothing is out of place. It was still the same gloomy bedroom. Walls painted in soft beige. Dull-colored draperies. A lone plant on the bedside. The bed was fixed just like when he left, like nobody slept on it for days.

Sakusa opened their walk-in closet and felt a rush of relief to see his husband’s clothes still neatly hung. He runs his fingers on the fabric of Ushijima’s favorite gray suit to make sure that he’s not having delusions. 

_His things are still here._ _But why am I still feeling so miserable? Why am I feeling like something’s lost?_

He smiled bitterly.

_This is not how I wanted things to be._

\--

It’s already quarter to nine in the evening and Ushijima is not home still. Sakusa finished preparing dinner more than an hour ago and is now standing in their balcony with a hot tea on the round table beside him. From his position, he saw a familiar black Audi Q8 pull up before their front gate. His husband slid out and waved goodbye to whoever is driving the goddamn car.

_He didn’t even bother hiding._

Ushijima entered their front gate, his eyes wandered to their garage and widened when he saw Sakusa’s car. His eyes darted to where Sakusa is as if sensing him standing by the balcony and coldly watching him. He averted his gaze and walked straight to their front door.

Sakusa gripped the edge of the handrail, trying to steady his shaking hands, but the effort is proving to be futile. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes.

“This will be the last time. Just one last time.” He whispered, making himself believe his words.

Sakusa heard the sound of their bedroom door opening and the gentle plop of suit jacket on the bed.

“When did you returned?” 

_So, my hunch that he was not home in the days I am not here was right, huh?_

“Where’s your car?” Sakusa inquired.

“I left it back in the company,” Ushijima explained. Sakusa turned to his husband looking at him with critical eyes.

“I guess you’ve had dinner already?”

“I did,” Ushijima answered while removing his cufflinks.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Sakusa calmly drawled.

“Tell you what?” Ushijima stopped from unbuttoning his long sleeves and faced Sakusa.

“Was it that good?”

“What?” Ushijima asked, confusion evident on his face.

“Was the sex that good that you’ve forgotten about me? About our third anniversary?” His eyebrow rose.

Ushijima’s eyes widened, realization dawning.

“I’m sorry. I—.”

“How many times did you do it, Wakatoshi-kun?”

“Kiyoomi, wha—.”

“I bet you were relieved when I left, hm? Were you pleased? That at last, I left you alone in this pathetic excuse of a home? Was that your cue to run to him?” He said as he stirs his tea slowly, leaning on the handrail for support.

“What are you talking about?” Ushijima dangerously fumed.

“I went to the patisserie earlier. Tendou was there.”

Ushijima’s brows furrowed.

“What did you do?”

“Oh, nothing. I just bought some desserts for this fucking anniversary. I thought he understood it not to monopolize you too much tonight but I guess he was slow to catch the message.”

“It was a mistake on my part, Kiyoomi. Satori has nothing to do with this.” Ushijima snarled.

 _Satori has nothing to do with this._

That did it for him. All the patience Sakusa has dissipated into thin air.

He put his cup of tea down and walked inside their bedroom on heavy steps.

“You think I’m a fool, Wakatoshi-kun? Do you think I haven’t caught on that you’re cheating on me with him? Just how long were you planning to do this?” His voice is growing louder with every word.

“What’s all this about, Kiyo—.”

“The car that took you home was his, right? What? Did you wait for him to close his patisserie before taking him out for dinner? Were you both so happy that he even forgot that I met him earlier and mentioned this godforsaken anniversary? Were you both so contained in the little bubble you made that you’ve failed to remember me, hm? Wakatoshi-kun?” Sakusa hysterically raged. He hates this. He hates losing his cool. He hates being fooled.

“What? Answer me. You haven’t even bothered sending me a message the whole two days I wasn’t home. You’re fucking cheating on me! What? Did he comfort you? How? How did he comfort you?” He accused pointing his finger on his husband’s chest.

Ushijima heaved an exasperated sigh.

“You can’t really blame me, can you?” Ushijima spat back.

“What? So you are?” Sakusa knew it, but it hurts the more after that implicit confirmation. 

“You cheated on me first, Kiyoomi.”

Sakusa shook his head. 

_This is unbelievable._

“So that was all this is about? Is this your sweet little revenge?” Sakusa raged.

“I am not getting back at you.” Ushijima frustratedly raked his fingers on his hair.

Sakusa slowly strode until there’s only little space between them.

“Did you enjoyed it?” He whispered as he raised his hand to touch his husband’s pale cheek.

“Stop this, Kiyoomi.” Ushijima dangerously threatened, holding what little patience he has left.

“Did he kissed you here?” His hands went down from Ushijima’s cheek to his neck, drawing lazy circles with his thumb.

“Did he touched you here?” Ushijima gasped by the contact of Sakusa’s cold hand on his naked chest. Sakusa smirked inwardly when his husband’s breath grew ragged and his eyes screamed of lust and danger.

“Don’t fuck with me, Kiyoomi.”

_Oh, I will._

“Did he managed to satisfy this?” In a swift motion, his hand slid down to his husband’s growing rigidity. His intoxicating warm breath stroked Sakusa’s cheek and ear. A thrilling shudder ran down his spine. He purposely grazed his sensuous lips on Ushijima’s jaw. A bolt of enticing heat shot down his middle.

“Are you really provoking me?” Ushijima snarled.

“Cheater.” He continued to taunt.

Their eyes met. And as if the string of patience Ushijima has snapped, he forcefully grabbed Sakusa’s wrist, and not a minute later clothes went flying down the floor. 

Before long, Sakusa found himself under his husband on their bed. Ushijima’s lips slammed Sakusa’s forcibly. Teeth clacking, tongues clashing, asserting dominance over the other, fighting for control. Ushijima’s hands were grasping, demanding, and pulling, the harder he does the louder Sakusa moans. The passion is gone, it’s more violent and punishing, it’s more of a fight than sex.

Shortly, Ushijima was flipping him, repositioning his limbs, and dragging him to the edge of their bed taking him from behind. He laughed at himself for finding comfort in rough sex, for finding contentment in this pathetic excuse of a marriage.

_Bruises will heal, but this pain is irrepressible._

They collapsed beside each other, both fighting to catch their breaths.

_Pathetic._

Ushijima pushed himself up and sat on the edge of the bed gripping his head.

“Will you ever forgive me for that one night’s mistake?” Sakusa’s eyes were cold and lifeless as he stared at his husband’s back.

“You never loved me, did you?”

A long silence stretched between them with only the sound of rain at the background.

“I did. I loved you.” He said, in almost a whisper.

 _Loved._ He felt like his world crumbled down his feet, dragging him down.

Ushijima stood up and turned to face Sakusa who was sitting half-naked on their bed, sheets covering his lap.

“A few months was all I asked of you. To adjust in this life. Kiyoomi, I never said ‘no’ when you asked me if I can love you. So, after all this time I still don’t understand why.” Ushijima’s shoulder drooped, struggling to find words. 

“Why did you slept with Atsumu?”

Cold ran down Sakusa’s spine when he heard Ushijima’s tired voice.

“I was drunk that night! Even after a year together you were still so damn cold and distant. I needed someone to talk to. I am just a man in love, a man desperate for your love. What happened was a mistake, and it never happened again! But now you! You… you and...”

The tension between them was thick in the air.

“I loved you back, Omi. I loved you so much it wrecked me seeing you in bed with Atsumu. I loved you so much I was willing to forgive you from your infidelity. I loved you so much it hurt. But I can’t anymore.” Ushijima uttered helplessly, he looked heavenward, trying to fight back tears.

There was a long deafening silence between them.

“This is hopeless.” Ushijima was the one to break the quiet, gathering his clothes, and wearing a robe.

“No, no, Wakatoshi-kun, no.”

“Let us end this marriage. I am already in talks with my family and our lawyer.”

“No, please! Anything but that. Let us start again, please.” He pleaded, tears streaming down his face.

_Why do I insist on staying?_

_Because I love him. Because there’s something about him. Something about how he looked at me. And I would kill to have him see me like that again._

“I can’t love you again, Kiyoomi. I can’t continue to keep you a part of my life when you’re the one responsible for making it unlivable.” There was no pause, no hesitation, and no mercy in his statement.

_Oh._

_I can’t love you again, Kiyoomi._

_I can’t continue to keep you a part of my life when you’re the one responsible for making it unlivable._

_Unlivable._

“U-unlivable? That’s how I made your life feel?”

Ushijima turned away and went inside their bathroom.

That was his undoing. He picked up his clothes and got dressed.

All he wanted in this relationship was for both of them to be happy, to find love and peace together, but if staying means misery for his husband, then maybe by separating Ushijima would find the happiness Sakusa wanted for him. Even if it’s not with him.

With everything he has left, he walked out of their home, and drove into the rain. Away from _him_. Away from everything that hurts. He never looked back.

_Maybe we are not the lucky ones in this life._

That was the last anyone saw _Ushijima Kiyoomi._

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a fluffy anniversary fic but shts went downhill. Hehe.  
> Thank your for reading!!  
> You can talk to me or scream at me on my Twitter [@sienamon](https://twitter.com/sienamon)


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